Ask The Commish: Don't Come Back Next Year

Commish,

Two more weeks and my first season as commissioner will be over. This was also my first time playing and except for maybe two people, all the rest of us were new to fantasy football. I don’t really have any bad stories to tell. It was more work in the beginning than I expected though. I want your advice on how to tell someone I won’t be inviting them back. They weren’t a bad owner or anything. They just didn’t really take part in the league chats that I set up, or were that social. That was one of the reasons I set up the league. I wanted to get a bunch of my friends together, guys and girls, and I thought it would be another way for us to socialize.

I’d like for you to take a moment and reread your question, aloud.

You describe the people in your league as “a bunch of friends.” I think you should treat this person as your friend, and before I get to how you don’t invite them back for a season, I’m going to try and appeal to your ability to be a better friend.

The word “friend” carries different weight with different people. What kind of “friend” are they to you? What were their merits that made them good enough of a friend for you to ask them to join your league? Are you telling me that everyone in your league participated in your league chat? With the aforementioned exception, did they all spend time there equally? Did you give certain people extra points if someone spent more time in the room than others? Do my questions seem silly? They should.

Covid-conscious socializing aside, are you telling me that you didn’t talk or hang out with this person before this fantasy season? How about this year? Why wouldn’t that be good enough for you? Why can’t they just play the game and be your bff in other ways? You said yourself that they weren’t a bad manager. Who cares if they didn’t hang in your chat room?

You didn’t talk about them not paying their dues. You didn’t talk about them causing any drama. You didn’t talk about them not starting a full roster multiple weeks. You didn’t talk about them coming to you complaining about things you were or weren’t doing as commissioner. Honestly, I would be more concerned if they were guilty doing any of those things. They weren’t. You’re just dismayed that they didn’t hang out in the chat room as much as you’d like, and that warrants asking them not to return. Really?

You’re right in a way. You had a vision for your league. You wanted everyone in your league yucking it up in the chat room. So in one sense, if you’re going to hold that against them - even though they were fine in every other way, then maybe they shouldn’t be in your league.

To answer your question, if you’re really set on asking them to leave, then why don’t you wait until the spring, or some time after the NFL draft? Send out a league email asking who’s interested in coming back. Maybe they’ll respond and say they’re not coming back on their own. Maybe they picked up the vibes of disappointment you were throwing in their direction during the season, and they don’t want to deal with that again. Let’s hope for their sake. That way, you won’t have to do, or say anything.

If they indicate they want to come back, then have the fortitude to tell them the truth as to why that’s not going to happen. I’m not going to endorse you making something up and lying to them. Maybe if you practice in front of the mirror and hear the words that you wrote me coming out of your mouth, and you actually hear them, you might reconsider. If you find this is a hard thing to do, maybe ask yourself why. This is the reason the first thing I said to you was to reread what you wrote me aloud.

Let me attempt to appeal to you once more: I think you’re making a mistake, and you should let your “friend” be. You’re setting yourself up to being quite rude to someone you call a friend. Maybe it’s not their style or preference to socialize in that way. I’m going to take a leap to suggest that even though you are calling them a friend, maybe you don’t know them as well as you could, or should. I would suggest maybe you work on that.

Trust me, I’ve been giving advice to fantasy commissioners for quite a while now, and I’m telling you, if this is the worst behavior you can take offense to, consider yourself lucky.

Send your questions to The Commish: thecommishshow@outlook.com